In Walker Percy's novel The Moviegoer, the main character, Binx Bolling, a man approaching his thirties, finds himself at an existential crossroads in life. Living in the tranquility of Suburbia, he pays a visit during Mardi Gras to his Aunt and cousin who are living in New Orleans. During this visit, he finds himself on "the search" - that search for meaning in his life and in his humanity. It is clear that as Binx surveys his life thus far through memories of good and bad, trauma and complaints, that Binx has many stories and symbols that make up who he is and how he views his own existence. However, his obsession with movies and his attempts to connect with humanity at large through film shows that he still feels some sort of disconnect. Why exactly is he living the way he is? What does he actually believe about life, the world - about himself? Something is amiss as he strolls through his well to do life as a Suburbia stock broker.
The reader becomes acquainted with the stories and symbols that has shaped Binx into the man he has become - his actions and manner of living as being a result of the stories of his own life, and others that he had clung to - and it is clear that his shaping is not yet complete. In order to understand why he acts the way he does, he must continually dig into the old stories in his life that have shaped him.
Percy's well written novel reveals something that we do not often think deeply about. Often times we want to believe that how we think about this world and ourselves begins with our beliefs - our own confession of beliefs and thoughts and ideas about our existence. But the story of Binx shows that the most accurate pathway to understanding his own self and his own worldview begins with how he lives - his own actions and his own practices, what we can call his "praxis" as shaped by stories that he has embraced in his own life. As he finally faces these stories, suddenly large and big questions of meaning arise - and he finally begins understand the motivations behind why he lives.
I have not finished the novel yet, so I do not know how his story ends.
The story of Binx reveals the need to be honest about ourselves if we are to understand ourselves more fully as people - and writing as a pastor - who we are as Christians. To do so, we do not start at what we claim to believe if we are to understand who we are. We begin at how we live, our actions and practices - our praxis of life - that is our starting point for understanding our own worldview and beliefs.
The question then becomes: do the things you claim to believe about the world, life, meaning - and yourself - match up with how you live? Is there a disconnect somewhere? Of course, if you understand our state as imperfect fallen people, there will always be some disconnect if you dig deep enough.
However if we do not reorder how we ask questions such as "why am I here?" or "what is the meaning of my life?" first with questions of praxis, or practice, before questions of belief, the disconnects between heart, head and actions will be large and possibly even unknown.
How do you live? Show me your life and your practices, habits and way of life, and I will tell you what you actually believe. This is the quickest way to understanding how you view the world.
The process of how your worldview, life and belief is shaped
I think we all, to some degree, wish to better understand ourselves. As Christians, this quest is one that is never ending. As Christians we know God made us, we know that Christ has rescued us from our sins and now through his resurrection and giving of his Spirit, has endowed us with new meaning and new life - a whole new trajectory of living with infinite joy available to us. Yet often we may claim to believe it, but disconnects abound between heart and head and our actions, and often times we may be scratching our head, wondering: "why am I living this way when I know better? " Even Paul said, "The things I want to do, I do not do" (Romans 7:14).
Or, on the flip side - over the course of years, as Christians we slowly drift into a mode of living that actually reflects more beliefs that are not Christian at all - even though we think they are - and we are ignorant to this whole process of what is happening. I am afraid much of this church right now as we speak.
It is this question I want to tackle, and invite you to engage in a little exercise that may actually help you understand yourself more than do you. It will require a willingness to be honest, and maybe even invite your spouse or someone who knows you very well to speak into it.
Understanding Yourself: The process how you become who you are
Here is the process to understand your own worldview (most of the process below is taken from NT Wright, Jesus and the Victory of God, pg. 142).
1) Start with your actions (questions of praxis): how do you live? What is the reality of the outward expression of your life as found in your day to day life, habits and rhythms?
2) Your Stories and Symbols: Identify the stories in your own life that have been deeply life-forming for you - family and childhood stories, movies and novels, powerful stories of American history or patriotism, stories of your ancestry, etc. - here you must dig deep.
3) The Big Questions: Now you can ask the big questions, because whether you realize it or not, the stories you just identified have caused you to ask and respond to such questions as: How have these stories impacted my life? How have they shaped the way I live? Who do I think I am as a human being because of these stories?
4) Identify your Beliefs: The answer to the big questions will now surface what you actually believe about life, yourself, Jesus, the world and others and all that it means - and not only what you want to believe.
5) Now, what are you aiming for? Now that you've moved from your own personal stories to questions to beliefs, imagine now that you have dressed yourself up with all of these things and your life is a race, and you are a runner: what are you aiming for? Again, do not ask right now what you want to be aiming for. The goal in this is to come to terms with reality, and not what you want your reality to be. If you were to gather up the ultimate aim and direction of the way you live - where is it aiming?
6) Surfacing Intentions and Motivations: This is the nitty-gritty, deep heart level stuff that is often secret, hidden from others, and, if we are honest, can be ugly. As we slowly round ourselves back to where we started, behind all of our actions and praxis lies motivations and intentions formed by the stories that have shaped us, the questions that have come from them that inform us on what our life is actually aimed at.
7) A Better Understanding of yourself: Now you have arrived at a better understanding of yourself - if you could manage this process with honesty.
In Part II (if I get to it), I'll talk about the need for Christians to do such self diagnosis and the resulting need for deep reform in much of American Christianity.